Spent finished all that Dad gave, but didn't buy the what I should have bought, like a bag for school, a nice shirt for CNY. A huge thankyou to simon and rongmin who stood by my indecisiveness all day long hahahahah. It's like we just take turns to be indecisive asses every other time. Today, I almost didn't say I will come back later. They were so proud of me.

Fears, more often than not, are usually about what's important. 

Pearl, here you go:)
 I don't believe in tests because my answers are sure to vary if I were to repeat it hahah. And every one of the results seem to be written to reflect you one way or another.
Still, quite true huh. You all better stick around for life!

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone   You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Disappointment
Where Your life is Going
Looked down on
Death
Commitment

Mum's complaining about stiff joints; Dad's having muscle aches. The fact that we are all growing old together,  all these transitions, I don't think I could ever get used to it.

Dinner yesterday with pearlyn and the guys, someone mentioned that meals in a few years are going to be slightly different. Simon in his labcoat, some coming from their jobs in working attire, some in singlet and shorts hahahah, others from school. Each starting to build the life envisioned. When we come together, that'd better be only difference.

I don't know what's with all the lamenting about time passing too fast. It's life,this is just a phase, it's normal, right?

So the last paper ended in a whimper. Never again will I go for exams this unprepared. Oh well.

Anyway, exam's over! It's incredibly surreal that one year of studies has gone by too. Twenty-two's coming way too fast.

Break's not particularly long this time since Feb's a short month. Doubt there's going to be work, might as well. Take a well deserved break before next term begins in March.

Now, what's there to be done?

Anyway, really glad for you, one step closer to ideals eh?:) Buy back many samesamebutdifferent and beer singlets!

Should have gone for rowing, not like anything productive have been done so far arghhh.

Papers so far have been alright, though stat's got me taken aback. Wah piang, all the pattern come out for final paper, whatever happened to tutorials and revision papers! As I emerged from the exam venue, it was as though my reaction was expected. Ahhh readable I have become.

Motivation for last paper's running dry, especially when it's a module that we don't want care much for, hahah. Assignments are trickling back as well. When you re-read assignments you get back, does it always feel that a simpleton wrote it and that it seems way more cheem when you first submitted them? I postulate... it's the "double-spacing effect". The spaces in between makes comprehension easier and less stressful. So if one were to take all those journals and double space them, they'll be a piece of cake to understand as well, probably. What a way to self-consolate.

Didn't get selected for the forensic psychology conference, which kind of got to me yesterday (Oh the irony). Should really work on interview skills. Don't want to be saying never mind try again next time, the next time. It's like a perpetuating cycle of failures already man.

Was telling mum that we should check out island creamery together one day. She replied, for what, there's nothing in for her hahahahah. If you know what she means. True. But, but.... there's pineapple tart flavour now!

ONE MORE. ONE MORE. ONE MORE.

Screw maybes.

I'm getting way too grumpy. It's like knowing that you're being whiny, unreasonable and swearing at every minute thing that's not going right, and letting it be.

JESSIE CHUA! DODGY ALL. No wonder so keen to move to Jurong Kechil.... Squash and hot bod eh? HAHAHAHAH.

And so it begins.
Six point five FTW!

Heater for the toilet downstairs is spoilt.

After my bath, ready to continue screwing up my bioclock, I heard sounds of dripping from the kitchen. Went to check, the kitchen ceiling was leaking. Fuck! was the first thought, stoned for a while as I tried to formulate whatever plans my mind could come up with. Cloth! Stop water! Not stopping, fuck! Then I went to wake my dad up.

Pissed, had the wtf did you do again expression, but came down nevertheless. While he climbed over the ladder and peered over the ceiling board, and was the one who diagnosed and realised the it was the heater's fault, and proceeded to stop the leakage, I just stood there, watching.

Coming from a generation used to "call the guy" when we have issues like these, be it plumbing, sewage, IT, whatever; it was amazing once again to see how dad, his peers, your dads probably, ARE that guy. The type who could knew everything.

Call me a mummy's, daddy's boy, but I still need them very much. And happenings lately, they all have a recurring message - Grow up. Grow up. Grow up. 

Being able to do what you enjoy doing is such a joy. As preparation for examinations culminates, it's not dread that's overwhelming, but gladness. Glad for the first time that whatever i'm cramming into my head (besides anything freudian) makes sense and has foreseeable purposes in the future. That studying doesn't have to feel like it. And everything else seems to fall into place accordingly. I'm one lucky bastard.

Was talking to Sou earlier today, who's going to graduate in a few months time. And work. Now that's dreadful. It's difficult to imagine myself in her shoes, at twenty two, having to step out into the cut-throat working world (looking at you with new-found perspective now). Not just me, can YOU imagine me working now? hahah. Doubt it. Maybe they're right about boys maturing later, maybe that's why they have NS. And yeah, that's something else that I'm thankful for, even if it means sponging off parents a little longer, which am not very fond of, it offers time to contemplate about directions. Three years, I'll be ready then.

Spent forty five minutes reading this transcipt between MM and NatGeo that Bing posted on fb ON MY PHONE at four in the morning because couldn't sleep. Conversations in Changi on new year day came to mind. Ben, Jerry and Agnes (and the rest of you too) should read this, if you're very very free. Pretty interesting. Quite an insight on his thoughts - whether they are fair or not it's up to your discretion.

Then there was the resulting article, which I thought while it shows effort in trying to understand the country, it's still yet another typical, superfluous article that reflects views through a western-influenced perspective. Not as objective as I thought it would be.

You know, it'll be really nice to see citations (Heng, 20--) somewhere in the future. Goal!

I am quite very looking forward to tommorrow's meet up. Takes mind off books for awhile.
Wasn't the most productive today, but kind of finished what I planned to read. Sometimes while studying, I wonder how the the puny hippocampus manages all the memory load dumped on it. Rote learning isn't the smartest way to study, but I don't know how else to. There isn't any time for fanciful mind maps or learning techiniques anyway. For now, all belief directs to hard work equates to results. Then again, haven't been the mugger I set out to be hahah. Trying. Reeeeeeeeally hope the theory about consolidation of memories during sleep is true. Automatic and saves waking time, how awesome.

Two days back during a super extended study break, I googled and went to listen bad romance for the first time (!!!). You know, to figure out why everyone and my very good friend who will remain a mystery in this entry goes gaga over lady gaga (wordplay!) Okay, it wasn't really the first time, but I've been selectively blocking out the song from auditory perception after the rah rah gah gah part in the beginning. And suprise surprise...  I actually liked the song. The chorus' catchy. Then I ventured to her other songs, and found them equally and surprisingly must I reiterate, catchy. This is quite depressing.

After this immersion into the hip world, I can now understand and will embrace when my friend constantly plays the cd in the car and breaks out into one of the songs. Nonetheless, too hip, too loud, too much boomci boomci, I feel old (read this gen)  and will stick to the likes of Ingrid, Priscillia and Rachel, chillax all.

Am done bullshitting, destressed already.

Hoong, I'm glad for you, that it's finally not about LGG.
FFF, go go go!

Kowloon dinner this week was quite awesome wasn't it? :) Got award (MUST FRAME UP), win lucky draw (FIRST TIME EVER!!!, entire evening reflected the things that keep us staying on with the bunch. That warm fuzzy family feeling. Hope it lasts. The only negative thing was realising the running that will be coming up during trainings. RUNNING?!? WEEKLY?!?! How to row after that.

Would like to take this chance to welcome my two new readers, Hoong and Rongmin.
WELCOME.

Finally, down to ONE LAST assignment for the sem, go! go! go!

How apt.

My tuition kid decided to resume classes with me, which is a good thing, because he's really smart, the rate's damn good, you get the point. So today going down in the mid-day for his tuition was meant to be postive, because after all that depression following school work, teaching someone else makes you feel smart tenfold and would therefore uplift your mood.

Turns out otherwise. I realised, and only managed to grasp the concept on simple addition and subtraction on this day, after all that workings in school. DID YOU KNOW, take above as example, when you borrow 1 from the middle 1 in 413, the 1 in the new 13 is a ten from the 1 you borrowed? And the 1 you borrowed from 4 in 413 that becomes 10 in the second column, actually represents 10 tens, because it was borrowed from the hundred column? I had no freaking idea! I've been taking the numbers literally after borrowing, like 13 becomes 13 because 1 and 3 comes together. Likewise, 1 and 0 becomes the 10. Wah piang.

After this weekend, I'm really going to stay away from the laptop, the glare is screwing up my eyes, and I've been having screen-burn on the face. HAHAHAHAHAH funny right.

Back to work.

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010!
Your last and first days have been good!:)

And resolution is... not to be late. Let you pull leg hair if you ever have to wait.

WAH K-ing is super therapeutic! Like, I never knew I still knew that many chinese words. And to sing the favourite songs at the top of my lungs with fellow slightly tone-deaf friends at a place beside the bathroom, shiiiioooook! Finally.... got to sing 新不了情, woohoos!!! Going to learn more chinese songs to have a wider repertoire to choose from next time hahah. Avatar-ed after that with people from school. Which I had initially expected to be awkward because they weren't from my clique, and I'm hopeless at conversations, even with good friends. But it was okay leh. The movie was epic! But I'm sure you've heard enough about it so I shan't go on. It's good enough to want to watch it again, and again. Although it got quite annoying when I couldn't appreciate the really minute details and effects in the film, which appeared as a blur. Time to get specs? Hoong's 21st was good! Though he kept commenting on how it could have been better, I'm pretty sure he enjoyed, and appreciated all who came down. Hilarious, he's wondering why no one gave him any presents hahahaahah. I'm broke like... *piang*.

Sure beats being clueless and feeling stupid.